Although I do like Claude quite a bit, I just couldn't resist making this
You may have to watch Black Butler 2 in order to understand some of these.
1. Steal his glasses
2. Stare at him constantly, but don't say a word.
3. When he's washing dishes, tell him he missed a spot.
4. Decorate Alois's entire mansion with pictures of Sebastian.
5. If Claude asks from where or how you got the pictures, tell him that you did a little favor for Sebastian in exchange for them. *wink wink*
6. When you see a spider, take off your shoe and go to kill it. Make sure Claude sees this.
7. Give Alois a Ricky Martin CD and urge him to dance to "The Cup Of Life" ~Ole!~
8. Invite Grell over and talk about how devilishly handsome Sebastian is. In front of Claude.
9. Tell Alois he should have Claude wear a pair of booty shorts as his new uniform attire.
10. Tell Claude he looks like he's the child of Sebastian Michaelis and William T. Spears
11. Ask Claude why he couldn't take the form of a more ominous creature, rather than a harmless little spider.
12. Constantly ask Claude if he could tap dance for you.
13. Be overly happy around him.
14. Wear a shirt with a picture of Sebastian on it that says "Number 1 demon. Number 1 butler."
15. Tell Claude he needs to stop being such a Negative Nancy and to start smiling a little.
16. Tell him that he's the first man you ever met that actually knew how to crochet. And enjoyed it.
17. Ask him how he put the Faustian contract mark on Alois's tongue.
18. Tell Claude he reminds you of the Pillsbury Dough Boy when he wears his cooking/baking attire. Then poke him in the stomach to see if he'll laugh.
19. Volunteer to help Claude cook, but "accidentally" drop the ingredients on him. For example: Flour, eggs, sugar, etc. Anything that's messy.
20. Tell him he has absolutely no idea what the word "disguise" means.
21. In front of both Alois and Claude, say "Geez Alois, for Claude being YOUR butler, he sure seems to have a strong fetish for Ciel."
22. Follow Claude wherever he goes, giving no explanation as to why.
23. Start a "Free Hug Day" with Alois, giving random hugs to Claude throughout the day. Especially when he's busy.
24. Tell Claude you want to make a contract...with Sebastian.
25. When Claude and Sebastian are standing near each other, walk up to them and say "Sebastian, isn't it true that crows eat spiders?"
26. Invite Mey-Rin, Finny, and Bard over to "help" with Claude's chores.
27. Slip something into Alois's tea to make him even crazier than normal. Blame Claude.
28. Tell Claude you're jealous over how good he is at painting his fingernails.
29. Ask Claude his views on religion.
30. Get drunk and have an emotional breakdown, venting all your feelings and problems to Claude.
31. Ask Claude just how hot Hell actually is.
32. Ask him if he's part giraffe (because of his abnormally long tongue.)
33. Carry around a Sebastian figurine wherever you go. Ask Claude if he thinks it's as cute as you do.
34. Ask Claude if he ever considered becoming a shinigami (Hence his glasses and the fact he always wears black.)
35. Steal his tailcoat and replace it with a red jacket.
36. Later the same day, walk by him wearing his tailcoat. When he asks for it back, say "No, I like it. Besides, I think red suits you much better. Grell agrees with me. Actually, he was the one to pick out that jacket for you. Don't you love it?"
37. Ask Claude why he hates Sebastian so much, anyway.
38. Get a kitten. Name it Sebastian Jr. Introduce it to Claude.
39. Invite Sebastian over to play with the kitten.
40. Ask Claude why he goes through all the trouble of making contracts with humans when he could simply just eat their souls and kill them.
41. For Halloween, dress up as Ciel. Or better yet, dress up as Sebastian.
42. Ask Claude if he would purr (like a cat) for you.
43. Ask him if he would teach you how to use silverware as weapons.
44. Ask Claude if he likes Hannah. If he says yes, ask "Is that why you like shoving your arm down her throat and why you find it necessary to hide swords in her?"
45. Late at night, hide Claude's crocheting tools. If he catches you, apologize and tell him you must of been sleep walking.
46. Ask Claude what a soul tastes like, and if he thinks your soul would be any good.
47. Invite Grell over and have him hit on Claude all day and night. In return, give Grell a copy of a picture of Sebastian.
48. Constantly refer to Claude as a sadist.
49. Compliment Claude on how pretty his hair is.
50. Finally, if you were still somehow alive: Kiss Sebastian in front of Claude.
One of these, or a combination of a few of them, would most likely end your existence. But it would be so worth it! ^_^
Again, I actually do like Claude.